Is it possible that I was born without the part of my brain that can process a captcha phrase? I know I’m human. And yet the computer continues to doubt me. I see the little scramble of letters and think “well, I’m not a computer set up to automatically post cat-lady-crazy-should-be-sitting-in-the-corner-eating-paste-spammy comments, and I can certainly prove it”. Then I type in the little phrase and it says “wrong, fool. You are not human. You haven’t proven it to me.” And then I’m all “internet I hate you and your silly security measures and if I didn’t want to post my hi-LAR-ious comment that will totally make me and this blooger best friends forever, I would walk away. Instead we’re gonna fight it out until you believe I’m human.” and the internet just says “bring it.”

And then one time. At band camp… I mean. uh. haha. Awkward.

But really, one time I was trying to buy Jimmy Buffet tickets for my mom and I and her friend and her friend’s son (who is my age. [Yes I know. We’re in our 20s went with our mothers. But we like our mothers. And inherited our love for Jimmy Buffet from our mothers. And when we bought the jell-o shots from the dude and dudette wandering the parking lot, our mothers did not. So it’s not like we were tied at the hip all night])…I digress. Anyways I was trying to buy the tickets and the captcha phrase spit back at me 5 times! 5! Do you know how fast a Jimmy Buffet concert sells out. Fast. Like faster than a bucket of fried chicken during game night at a Fraternity fast. When I finally proved I was flesh and blood and got through we were stuck in the 150 millionth row (ok, so 135th?). Still. We woke up early and logged in at 10:00:00.00 am (it was Saturday. That’s early. I don’t have kids. Don’t hate) to make sure we got tickets. And that stupid scramble of letters said “No way. not lettin’ you past my messed up text that doesn’t spell anything that blends so well into the background the q looks like a 4.”

I quit captcha. There should be an attachment for my laptop with a little needle that would prick my finger and draw a sample. That’s right internet security demons. Find a computer that can fake Grade A blood to pretend it’s human (literally. My blood is type A. Which makes me a fairly useless blood donor. Though I still donate.) But yes, that’s right. I’d rather give my computer blood than “type the characters in the box below”. Sadly, I think if you want to comment here, you have to type a captcha phrase. If I figure out how to submit a blood sample instead, I’ll let you know.

Hearts and Needle Pricks!